Deep from my heart

don't know how to say..when i have free time, i keep thinking about the past..
i always felt guilty to someone..sometimes in physical people will see we are happy..
but deep from our heart, they don't know what implied inside this heart..

In fact, i already broke your heart..Second time he try to take my heart..but I can't accept it..
why i can't accept him??whereas he never do anything wrong to me..i don't have answer ...actually, i afraid that my heart will change someday..

He is good looking, smart person and kindness...everything is going to him..sometimes, i felt loss because i had broken his heart...i still keep thinking about him sometime ( not always ) because i should not do like that to him..hope that i not too cruel to him..